Dark denim jackets and crafts made leather shoes, tailored shirts. Even in hiking photos, he seemed to be outfitted personally by Mr. Patagonia. The only negative that stood out to me in his profile was a note at the end that said while he liked his family, he was not family orientated.
We met at a bookshop that had a small bar inside. The Wild Detectives is a wonderful first date spot. It’s in a converted craftsman house, it has the types of nooks and crannies you’d want to sit in as you get to know your date.
I found parking easily and escorted myself to the bar. It’s become custom for me to meet all of my dates early and at the bar, even if we agreed on dinner. I can buy my own first drink, and not feel indebted to some guy who I might not want to have dinner with at all. I am religiously late, so this might be setting them up with a false idea of who I am and my understanding of time. But I’d rather spend $14 on my own craft cocktail than waste four hours having to entertain some mamas boy.
Bo was late. He got caught in traffic on a freeway I wasn’t familiar with. He couldn’t find parking. He wasn’t sure what drink he wanted. And despite being the only person there by myself, he still looked questioningly around the room when he walked in.
The freeway was one that came from the country. Some people chose to work in the city while living in the country and working a ranch. The country is somewhere between and/or around the suburbs and city of Dallas, which in my opinion doesn’t make you real country. Real country is an hours drive to a Target or grocer. Ranching is when you own a livestock animal to get a tax decrease on your property. Which I also don’t think is real ranching.
When Bo said he lived in the country, I was expecting his beard to have grown to its current thick state from the sweat that comes from renovating a house, and doing the type of ‘man work’ that Joanna Gains inspires in men. Bo’s beard was thick because he’s lazy and still lives at home with his parents. It was at that point I took took a long $7 drink from whatever whiskey concoction the mixologist made me.
I was then presented with a multitude of excuses on why he lives at home, and why at 29 he hadn’t finished college, and why he didn’t like his major, and why he didn’t pursue a career, and why he sometimes was still a host at TGI Fridays. While he continued our conversation without my aid, it made me wonder what type of façade I put up around myself.
Still trying to be polite, and find something redeeming about the date or at least something that made me feel ok about wanting to make out with this man-child, I asked him more about his profile. The thing about people and online dating is that they really aren’t who they think they are. Most of the time. Or they’re exactly who they say they are which can also be defeating. Bo’s profile said he loved being outside and being active. Which meant he liked some national park he went to when he was 16 and being active on video games and binge watching tv shows. He wasn’t wrong, he liked the experience of nature and he was active in inactive hobbies.
He mentioned his ‘not family orientated’ mindset, which I questioned since he spoke kindly of his own family. Bo was very good at conversing about himself, with himself, at me. He told me he wouldn’t want a son like him, hanging around wasting his money on living expenses. That he wanted to find his soul mate, that would complete his power couple ideas. At that point, I wanted to ask if he knew what a power couple was, but some conversations aren’t worth saving. He continued anyway and described what he was picturing and wanting. I will say this, Bo was an excellent salesman. His TGI Fridays manager was right he should be a waiter, I would buy into the sampler platter. He wanted to be a powerful pair, which he felt like kids would hinder. That way he could own his own business and be acknowledged for the success that he and his supportive wife, and equally creative powerful force brought to the industry.
During his speech I couldn’t help but tune him out at times, reflecting on previous relationships of my own that could have grown into power couple status. I thought about my single status, and if I was a power single. Influencing the masses in various ways, strong self-investment, admirable determination, recognition, influence, power. I invest in my 2005 scion when needed which is often, I have just under 400 Instagram followers, my determination can also get replaced by the concept that God clearly didn’t see that idea happening anyways so why fight him, when it comes to recognition my principal called me Jennifer for the first year I worked there, and the only place I hold true power is turning my lights on, and lets be honest half of my bathroom bulbs need replacing right now. It has been on a wing and a prayer that I have been able to be a regular single, so I don’t think power single is in my future. Or power couple.
After his pitch, he looked deeper than I wanted him to at me with just the best blue eyes. He asked what I was looking for in a partner, and if I was interested in his power couple fantasy. I pause and tell him I am looking to be an anti-power couple. I want to find someone whose life matches mine, in that people look at us and think, by the grace of God they haven’t gone under yet. They help clean up after the church potlucks, they host the missionaries, they foster the kids, they took in their cousins annoying kid for a year, they gave their dinner wear to that homeless couple that only showed up to church twice, and right now someone has their second car because they just can’t say no. I want the anti-power couple, I want the dependent upon God to provide the next solution, I want the approachable messy clean house that comes from always saying yes.
When you have power, you have the ability to say no. Part of what makes you intimidating, is that you can say no to people. Most of the yes people I know aren’t intimidating. In fact, some might call them pushovers because it gives other people the power. But they are generally the people who you go to when you need help, because you know they’ll say yes. Anti-power couples love unconditionally, they don’t say no, they know they don’t hold the power. And when you need them, when your beat down and lonely, they’re the truest form of a tangible connection with God who has that relentless always available with a yes type love. and they’re the people I want to be.
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